We live in a highly sexualised society with plenty of sexual scenes both in films and on television, albeit to restricted audience's yet why do so many couples find it so difficult to discuss their sexual desires and are unable to say what they like, when, where and how? Yes some may have perverted desires such as recently portrayed in the 18th century BBC 2 drama about Sir Richard Worsley who had a fascination of watching through the keyhole his wife undress and having sex with other men of his choosing, but a substantial number of people would just like a better sex life, yet we seemed to prefer on keeping all our anxieties and misgivings to ourselves.
The fundamental cause is that often the respective libidos of couples are mismatched combined with the fact that men tend to prefer their sex when they wake up in the morning whereas women prefer to have sex in the evening. There is also the erroneous belief that women's sex drives are lower than men's yet the reverse could possibly be true, albeit women have been conditioned by society to repress their sexual desires. This is evident by the reference respectively to stags and sluts - men are expected to be sexually active but women are not. Biology dictated that a man should spread his genes far and wide but a woman should be highly selective and seek only the best genes, even though in this age of sophisticated contraception, couples can now take full pleasure from sex without the risk of pregnancy.
A surprising number of both men and women masturbate in secret often with their partner asleep beside them and choose to hide the fact from their partner. Furthermore few women are willing to admit to owning a vibrator. We are also conditioned to need to be sex stars by the visual media of our masculinity or our femininity respectively and not to be able to perform in bed is somehow demeaning which is why about a quarter of men and half of all women fake or hype their orgasm yet cannot admit to doing so to their partner. Moreover because sex is such a sensitive and rarely discussed subject, any discussion can be felt as criticism which just adds to the problem.
Tantric Massage Can Help
A Tantric massage with a trained therapist for both men and women either together or separately can help to resolve such anxieties. The great advantage is that there is no measure of performance, and instead a sympathetic ear and understanding approach from the masseuse to put the client at ease, and then work in harmony to explore what does or does not work to enhance and express sexual energy so that a more confident approach can be adopted and may lead to a greater openness between couples.
The key message is "try and talk about it rather than bottle it up".